One Little Thing - One Big Step

Where to start ... probably with the thing I said  I had never done which is to ask for help in any of the troubled times I have been through.  It seems this is what was at the centre of my being.

My guide sent me a little note on this ... it is called Footsteps ... I suggest you look it up. To say it has changed my life is one of the biggest understatements I have ever made.

Asking God into my life turned out to conflict with my self reliance in a major way and the prospect of giving up my perceived strength was the one thing that has truly scared me through this journey. I spent many hours lying awake in tears, fighting with all my heart, not wanting to come down from my fence of knowledge where I felt safe. In essence I just did not want to believe!

Even more bizarre is that this very conflict is what made me realise I could not do this on my own. I needed help to resolve this. After 50 years of asking "Why?" I knew what my conclusion had to be. There was no issue with anything in my store of knowledge gathered through the years, just this stubborn sense of self.

So I finally came down from my fence and accepted the inevitable - I sought strength from the only source that could help me in this hour. I accepted God, I ask for his help and welcomed the response with open arms.

It turns out it wasn't that hard after all. I'm not saying it was an easy landing here in my calm space, my tranquil garden with mountain views. Actually it was a pretty hard and bumpy landing. The sense of calmness and quiet was overwhelming after the turmoil I had just been through. I was a little dazed and confused, and this state lasted quite a while as my brain had a lot of knowledge to adjust around my new found belief.

I am happy with my belief and everything has, so far, slotted into it's new home without much fuss or cajoling.

So here I am ... newly born into His world with new eyes and new understandings.  Knowing the difference between needs and wants, the difference between joy and pleasure, the difference between the love I knew and the Love I now know.

  It's  nice here ... it is very peaceful and calm at the moment.  I do need to rest here for a bit before I can sensibly explore this new world before me and think over what relationship I need to have with God ... and I still have a lot to learn.

Now for you my reader ... don't feel sorrow for the emotional conflict, the pain and the tears I have had.  They were a necessary part of the journey and behind me now. And I am looking forward to exploring this new world with you.

I hope you will join me as I continue on my journey.