Ch 5. The First Acceptance

I’d had a few restless nights until things finally came to a head in the early hours of one Friday morning in March when apparently sleep was overrated. Leading up to this night, my restlessness was due to thinking about my views and my conversations with a God I did not think existed a few days ago, and thinking about why I didn’t want to accept Him into my life. After several hours lying in bed with tears quietly streaming down my face I realised I had nowhere to run to, no internal resources to call on, that I had to make a choice.

It should have been an easy choice, such a simple thing to do. I was in a dilemma, and the only option I could accept was to ask for help, to do the one thing I claimed I never needed. The only one I had to turn to with the answer was God. I did have other options, but the consequences of those would have been quite terrible and not just for myself, hence the hours of tears as I contemplated and considered those.

After searching my brain looking for other answers, seeking another way out of my dilemma that didn’t mean giving up my strength, I gave up my perceived strength and wisdom and welcomed God into my heart with open arms. And promptly came crashing down into a strange new world full of calm and joy and happiness. The sense of relief that I had made the right choice was rather overwhelming.

I was a little confused to say the least.