Ch 4. The Crazy Path

I was by now in a different place to where I thought I was. My perch on the fence was looking rather shaking and I knew if I was going to fall from this place which side I wanted to land. What started to happen over the next few weeks was rather bizarre and changed my beliefs forever.

I cycle quite a lot, but there was one hill near me that I always struggled with. It is long and drawn out and has a false summit just before a curve at the half way point. There is then a little dip and a second little hill to climb. One day I had been thinking thoughts about God whilst out on a ride, and thinking about my place in life, and decided that a good place to rest and consider more would be at the top of this second little hill. I may have forgotten to mention that on the second little hill there is a very pretty little church.

So off I went on my ride. As I got closer to the hill I had a strange feeling of being watched, a feeling someone was there with me. As I turned up the lane leading to the church and started the first part of the ascent I am really not sure what happened. It was almost as though I was on a tandem and the person with me was doing all the work. Instead of achy legs, racing heart and burning lungs I reached the church feeling refreshed. I did not realise until after I got home and looked at my fitness tracker that my heart rate on the ascent to the church had dropped to my normal resting rate!

So here I was, sitting outside a church early on a Sunday morning wondering what had just happened. My only explanation is that I was meant to be there at that time, and that He had lent a helping hand to ensure I got there in a calm and rested state.

I did rest there with my thoughts, but my questions were no longer directed inwards. They were directed at a God that I still considered I did not believe in, although that was going to change sooner rather than later.

I left the church in good spirits and a huge smile on my face and making a promise that I must return next Sunday. The following Tuesday I was feeling a little confused and down so, as I was working from home, I thought I would go for another bike ride.

It was a cold grey day with no hint of brightness in the sky. I set off not to my church at the top of a hill but to one that was easier to get to as I only had limited time. It seems I was in too much of a rush and not really in the right state of mind. It just didn't feel right being there at that moment. As I sat there my thoughts were still directed to God and I wondered if I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had made a promise on where I would be on the following Sunday. As I wondered this i asked Him if that was where I was destined to meet Him next. During that instant I was suddenly in sunlight, bathed in warmth. Looking up the grey filled in the tiny bright gap in the clouds that had let the sunlight shine on me. My thought at that point was "Really!", which I think I voiced out loud. Although not what I was expecting I ended my ride with a smile again.

I decided that evening to try something I had never even considered before. I made a promise to myself to try and give up something for Lent, a bad snacking habit of eating junk whilst driving to and from work.

At some point in the following days I was talking about this with a friend and they made me stop and rethink why I was doing something for Lent. I thought it was about sacrifice, but was taught it is actually about making you stop and consider.

I considered a lot over the coming few days. The first thing I considered was my position, and in response to that I let a good friend know that I didn’t think I could be called agnostic any more, which I think made them smile.